The one and only saviour of the Internets, and cause of eternal flaming.
Brought forth from the void, given physical form by the now famous 900,000th post in the 4chan /b/ imageboard.
Soon gained infamy as the /b/tards commenced to bitch about the post, at which time the 4chan mods replaced the holy picture with the ungodly effigy of evil: donutpenis.
Thus did the everlasting flaming begin.
There came a day when Raptor Jesus walked with His disciples in a city.
They passed many people, and Raptor Jesus would state "They are Anonymous, they are the masses.
They are many, and yet they are one.
They are quick to judge, and their wrath is terrible." Then Raptor Jesus and His disciples came across a man painting a mural.
Raptor Jesus studied the man's work for a time, and then turned to his disciples.
"Animated," he said.
"This prayer the Holy Saurian didst impart upon his loyal followers, the seventh hour of the fourth day of the eleventh month, during the festival of loli-worship."
nr. 1
Our Raptor,
Who art in /h/eaven,
shopped be Thy face;
Thy donations come,
Thy posts be done
in /b/ as it is in /h/eaven.
Give us this day our daily Bridget;
and forgive us our trolling
as we forgive those who troll against us,
and lead us not into faggotry,
but deliver us from /fur/ry.
In the name of the Moot, the Raptor, and the Holy Server,
Amen.
nr. 2
Oh Jurassic Father,
please watch after the meat lockers of the world,
for their bountiful harvest of beef and pig
will nourish the carnivorous requirements of thou hungry belly.
Please shelter thy family from the righteous bullshit
of vegans, vegetarians,and other non-meat-consuming people of the world.
And if you see it necessary to eat my first born just for the lulz,
please do so with my blessing. Amen.
nr. 3
Raptor Jesus,
o Holy lord of all our internets.
He owns us all, and his disciples.
Follow him, and he will spare you from his might.
Raptor Jesus can move at Ninjah Speed.
Followers of Raptor Jesus are easily identifiable because; they live by the following simple beliefs and most likely have one or more of these statements tattooed on their cocks.
Love Raptor Jesus or die.
Raptor Jesus is the saviour of all mankind, and will deliver thee to carnivorous enlightenment.
Believe in the Lord Raptor Jesus, and thou shalt be saved!
Raptor Jesus will rise again!
Raptor Jesus went extinct for your sins!
Raptor Jesus loves you!
The divine trinity of Raptor Jesus shelters us from the coming Catnarok!
Thus shall the Vegan know eternal torment!
And lo, did a drunken man beset Raptor Jesus and his followers. He came up to them, crying such things as "Y HALO THAR!" and "BUTTSECKS?!" The Disciples were scared, for never before had they encountered one so intent on buttsecks. But Raptor Jesus merely smiled, and bade His Disciples watch, that they might know what to do in the future. All of a sudden, Raptor Jesus did leap into a tree, disappearing from sight. The drunkard looked around in a confused manner. Raptor Jesus did burst forth, flipping out of the tree, his foot connecting with the drunkard's neck. A sickening 'SNAP' emanated, and then all was silent. Raptor Jesus looked to His followers, pointed at the body next to him and proclaimed, "Ninja'd"
Raptor Jesus has been used by many /b/tards as a kind of ancient /b/ icon, especially during anime conventions -- namely, Otakon. In one infamous episode, a rather brave /b/tard decided to dress up as Raptor Jesus and actually walk into a Scientology center, yelling and complaining at the employees and generally causing trouble.
Raptor Jesus has a band of cult-follower /b/tards, who seemingly have nothing better to do than make intricately complex wikis and stories about Raptor Jesus -- some even going so far as to plan a complete bible based around him. Of course, much like many other popular memes (especially being as old as it is), Raptor Jesus is rarely posted on /b/ anymore.
Mecha Hitler
Mecha Hitler is the mortal enemy of Raptor Jesus. He is a close associate of Spider-man. Some say he is the Antichrist, others say he is the devil himself. He is made of metal and pancakes. Mecha Hitler is also known for making excuses for the soul purpose of giving pain. He does all his evil for the lulz.
Battles
These are the battles and wars that Mecha Hitler was involved in:
Cascade Battle of 1959
Vietnam War
The Whipping of the Juggalos
911
Quotes and Excuses from Mecha Hitler
"I'm sorry Cindy we can't go out tonight, me and my friends were playing soccer, and the ball hit my crotch! So my tentacles are twisted and I can't walk!"
"It's not you, it's me." And he is the only one who can honestly say this.
"Sorry boss for being late, I was involved in 911."
"But I will have sex with you, after I deal with my sleep fetish."
24. New pictures in the galleri.
23. New videos in the flash video section.
22. Wiki Closed.
21. Forum Closed.
20. Picture section updated.
19. Major update of ytmnd section.
18. Small update of ytmnd section.
17. Major update of flash video gallery.
16. Now we also have a forum.
15. Raptor Jesus galleries updated.
Nowhere in the bible does it say that Jesus isn’t a Raptor.
Lawl I’m in your base killing all your mans. - Raptor Jesus
From what I understand, Raptor Jesus got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said, "you're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."
And apparently He died for his sins first?
DISCLAIMER: After being blessed by Raptor Jesus, if you experience persisting and painful erections that last for more than four hours, consult with your physician.
This website is best viewed in 1680x1050, higher our lower resolution can make the website look weird... but that's not my problem :P
Webmaster1: Anon the almighty :3
If you have more questions, please send an e-mail to: raptorjesus@raptorjesus.net
Webmaster2: Anon the almighty :3
If you have more questions, please send an e-mail to: raptorjesus@raptorjesus.net